Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Penis Envy
Did you know the typical male orgasm lasts anywhere from 3 to 8 seconds? Though it’s possible through deep breathing and regular Tantric exercising to extend it to maybe 10 seconds or so. When researching for this post, I did check on Sting's web site for precise times but unfortunately he hasn't supplied any.

As you probably aware, women are capable of multiple orgasms without having to rest in between. (Damn it, don't I just love being a woman!) Women are actually capable of a sustained orgasm called 'status orgasmu'. These wonderful events start with a 2-4 second spastic contraction and last twenty to sixty seconds. In 1966, Masters & Johnson published the chart of one woman who experienced a marvellous 43-second orgasm, made up of at least 25 successive contractions. Oh, baby, baby, baby!

It's really just another example of disparity between the sexes I guess.Now, Freud theorized that females were biologically inferior to males, (Ha!) and spent their lives suffering from feelings of jealousy, inferiority, and penis envy (Ha! Ha!). He also had a bit of a cocaine habit, a condition that often leads to impotence, so it kind of make you wonder if perhaps he was the one with a little penis envy going on.

But what is ‘penis envy’ anyway? Far more men seem to suffer from it than women. How many products on the market are designed to increase the size of a man's penis, id, ego, and super ego, while considerably reducing the size of his wallet all in the same process? Some men will go to any length (please, no pun intended) just get those perceived envious glances in the locker room or loo - from other men! And, no, they’re not all gay.

I think it's a male thing - "I’m able to better satisfy a woman’s instictive needs to reproduce because I’ve got a bigger penis. I am the superior specimen. I am the Alpha male!”The shortest, and I guess smallest, penis ever recorded was a mere three centimetres long. For the benefit of any men reading this who are in imperial measurements, that’s about as long as... Oh, I don't know but I’m sure will give you a hot shot of schadenfreude when you find out!

So how many women out there really worry that much about the size of a man's penis?

Ah, but I digress.

Now, please don't get me wrong--I think all penises are great. Sure, I know some women say: "Seen one, you've seem 'em all." Me, I've seen a few and now I want to see 'em all! No, I'm not knocking them. Althought, they certainly do have their drawbacks don't they? They embarrass their owns when they get aroused at the wrong times, vaginas never do that. Vaginas are well behaved. Penises dangle and stick out, making them extremely vulnerable when their owners are playing contact sports and such. Vaginas are tucked neatly between the legs. Of course other advantages to having a vagina instead if a penis also, but I’m too discrete and delicate to go into into that here.

So, I ask you, honestly, how many women out there really wish they had a penis instead of a vagina? For that matter, how many men out there secretly wish they had a vagina --instead of a penis? Penis envy? No way, I'll take the multi orgasmic experience over the 3 to 8 second thrill anytime!
Butts
I want to talk about asses, or arses if you're English. Maybe 'buttock' if you're really prudish and feel uncomfortable saying 'ass' or 'arse'?

Now, I ask you, is there really there anything sexier than a smooth tight little ass/arse/buttock? And yet, I think sometimes they're one of the most forgotten parts of our bodies, aren't they? I mean how many cosmetic companies produce bum blush, age-defying ass wrinkle cream, or even a gluteal scrub? Come to think of it, how hard would they really be to market this age of sexual freedom and commercialisiaton? Mmm... maybe there's a niche in the market for these things?

Neanderthal men thought asses were very sexy. In his book, 'The Naked Ape', Desmond Morris speculates that women's breasts became fleshy and round as humans evolved from the other primates and began to walk upright. Human used to, like other primates still do, used their asses to indicate when they were ready to mate. Since the human female is almost always in a sexually capable condition, he believes that, the breasts evolved as an ever-present sexual display on the front of the female body-- a duplication of round fleshy butt.

Now, what about men's asses? Oh yes! Why are they so damned sexy? It's not like, my instincts are telling me, "He's got a great ass, he must be virile and able to provide for me and the tribe of kids we're going to have," or are they? Isn't a man's tight and hard ass indicative of a fit and healthy, able to produce and provide, body? Isn't it also the power behind the penis? Yet, we still tend to concentrate on facial beautification.

In a world where advertisers tell us everything from what clothes to wear to what brand of soap wash with-- to attract the opposite sex, is it perhaps more to do with commercial conditioning and marketing rather than misguided instincts? There may well be a quest for the best (ass), but it's usually cloaked under different terms. Tighter jeans are sexier-- because they show your ass off. High heels are sexy because they lift a woman's ass. If your fitter, your sexier-- again your ass will be tighter and trimmer.

Sure, people say things like, "Look at that gorgeous ass!", but it's never with the same sincerity as a complement about the face, is it?

Rather than refer to the ass in a sexual way, it is often seen as -- please excuse the pun-- the butt of many crude jokes. Perhaps it's the Anglo-Saxon sense of humour that keeps up from taking our asses too seriously? But geez, how that evolve, anyway? I know very few women who are actually happy with their asses. They almost always perceive them as being too fat, too flat, too flabby, too freaking something! I guess most men don't think much about their rear ends. I asked my other half what he thought of his. He told me, "I don't know. I've never really checked my out, it's difficult to see it from the front." Damn it, doesn't every woman knows how to contort herself in front of a full length mirror so she can see her ass from every angle?

But, all butt jokes aside, don't you think asses are one of the most sexy, yet under rated, parts of the body?

Oh, and anyone who wants to send me pics, please feel free. I would just love to see your sexy bare behind-- now, that's just got to be an offer you don't get every day!
You just love me cause I'm good in bed.

And, to think, I feared I would go my whole life without ever getting the chance to pen that phrase.

Seriously, though, how important is sex in an intimate relationship? Sure, good sex may satisfy physically, but what about emotionally? According to Dr. Linda Banner, Ph.D., a licensed sex therapist specializing in marriage and relationship counseling and a researcher associated with Stanford University Medical School,"Sex can be a wonderful cementer or a terrible wedge".

Sex? That always tends to sound kind of sterile to me. It's just not the same as 'making love', is it? I just bet Giacomo Casanova never asked a woman, "D' ya wanna have sex?" Sex is merely a physical thing. If sex was all we needed then masturbation would provide true and complete sexual satisfaction and that's really just not the case.

My other half freely admits he used to masterbate all the time when he was younger. He reckons he never used to do so much for his own pleasure as much as wanting to spite the Pope and all that "every sperm is scared" thing.

Ah, but I digress.

Do you don't really to be an accomplished sexual athlete, or being poring over the Kama Sutra night after night to have a good strong relationship?

A survey I read recently found a quarter of more than 3,000 women aged 18-45 said they "often can't be bothered" to have sex and were "happy with a cuddle". So, does good sex make a good relationship, or a does good relationship make good sex?

I guess people who marry virgins as virgins would say a good relationship is more important.
While someone who's more experienced might place equal, or more, emphasis on the physical side.

I tend to think there'd probably a lot less emphasis of how good the sex was if you had nothing to compare it with. Maybe that's why some men are so hell bent on marrying virgins? It doesn't seem to worry women as much. While some women might be entrigued by the idea of of virgin, I think those who actually seek a inexperienced man out for marriage are more than likely virgins themselves.Well, they say love conquers all, but does it really?

Fucking Geniuses

I've been thinking, have you ever noticed how highly sexed people, generally, tend to be much smarter and brighter than average folk who aren't so preoccupied with where their next orgasm's coming from?

So, what's the mathematical probability of a highly sexed person having an intelligence quotant below 101? Ok, let me put it this way: IQ=101>101= (y!/sex!(n-sex!) .69x (1-.23)^y+sex>(3x7x365=seX!)=z% . No doubt all of you, who had that percentage figured out before you got to the end of the equation, will know exactly what I'm talking about.

I mean, how often do you hear people referred to as "horny"? But how often are these same people referred to as "unintelligent"? Dumb and horny just don't belong in the same sentence. It's perfectly obvious when you think about it. It takes brains and imagination to look beyond the missionary position, and a whole lot of intelligence and confidence to go against society's harsh sexual repression. Yes, there's a reason why no one's ever published "The Karma Sutra for Dummies"--it's just not required, I tell you!

Now, let's look at the horniest of the hornies. Yes, the perverts. There's really just no such thing as a unintelligent pevert, is there? A horny pervert? A filthy pervert? A fucking filthy pervert? Sure! But how often to you hear, or read about, an "unintelligent pervert"? Well, you just don't, do you?

I guess it's something that's just evolved over the years. Highly sexed people spend so much of their time thinking dirty thoughts, that they've had to develop a higher intelligence to process all their other thoughts in a much shorter time. Their brains simply have to be more efficient and developed to cope.

Have you ever noticed how sex scandals always seem to involve highly intelligent people? Just look at the the late JFK. He was one really smart man, who just couldn't keep his pants on.

Yep, intelligence and a high sex drive, more often than not, go together. It makes perfect sense really that, from an evolutionary perspective, smarter people are superior so they should breed more. It's just unfortunate that we thwart mother nature by being too smart and using birth control.

It's actually cyclical. German researchers have discovered that the more sex you have, the more your brain is stimulated and, I guess, the more your brain in stimulated the more sex you want. Sex and intelligence--they're mutually beneficial. It's symbiosis of the mind and body!

So, how much smarter are you today, than you were yesterday? And, how much smarter are planning on being tomorrow than you are today? Are you getting smart enough fast enough? Would you really rather be getting a whole lot smarter a whole lot faster? Or are you, quite literally, just a fucking genius?

Metrosexual Men

Women have always been expected to be the height of primped - shaved legs, manicured and painted nails, sparkling white teeth, styled hair, flawless make-up, trendy clothes, alluring fragrance... Do you, men out there, have any idea how long it takes for us, women, to get ready, and how much money it all costs?

Well, my question is -- has the time come for all good men to bump up the aesthetic bar a notch, or two, and become metrosexual? "Oh, but what exactly is metrosexual?" I hear all you 'rugged male types' out there ask.

Basically a metrosexual is an urban male who embodies vanity in a positive way; he keeps up on the latest fashions. He waxes, trims and has manicures. He never has a hair out of place. He goes to the gym everyday and freely spends money on his aesthetics and lifestyle. And perish the thought of shampoo and hair gel, the metrosexual male only uses "products" on his fine locks!

I guess a lot of people will say- - it's just a fad. A catch phrase being exploited by the media. At the end of the last century it was the Nirvana inspired 'grunge' - unkempt, lanky looking hair and rugged unshaven faces. I loved Kurt Cobain's music, but geez, couldn't he just have used a razor and comb?

So is this just a passing thing or is the metrosexual the new man of the millennium? Upon giving the matter a lot of thought-- I have a lot of spare time you know? I'm noting more, and more, men's facial products appearing on my favourite skin care counter. While older males are still content with the cheap buzz and cut, there are more men at my unisex salon having their hair 'styled'. And, I'm seeing men everywhere in immaculate, clean and pressed clothes --smelling of sexy cologne. They're going to the movies to see Julia Roberts -- with her clothes on. And, my goodness, I'm seeing, previously over pumped with testosterone, males actually driving their cars within the speed limit and letting female drivers pass them!

Remember the now deceased danseur Rudolph Nureyev? Metrosexual men out there will know exactly who I'm talking about. I read a biography about him a while back. Countless women fell in love and lust with this man. "He spoilt me for all other men," one lamented. Some people might have accused him of being effeminate. He was, after all, just so totally in touch with his 'feminine side'. Or was he perhaps just ahead of his time--the original metrosexual man?

So, now you know.

But what's this new breed of man like in the sack? That's what women want to know, isn't it? There's got to be more to a metrosexual man than just his appearance. Is he more aware of his woman's needs? Does he mind sleeping on 'the wet spot'? Does he say: "Oh, that's fine, I don’t mind one little bit, we can make love another night if you're feeling tried tonight."? I'm sure he does. Oh, and I bet he never, ever, falls asleep immediately after sex! Our culture is changing and our sexuality is not questioned as closely as it once was. It's ok that he wants be as attractive for you as you are for him. Preening will no longer automatically slap him with 'gay' tag. He likes to look good, and yet he's still not about to let his ego to rule his life. Oh, yes, siree--he's likeable, liberated and loving it! But--wait just a modern minute. Amazing as all this might seem, according to recent surveys, only one in five women actually want a metrosexual man!

Most still want their men to be just as nature intended them to be; sex driven, testosterone pumped animals who can be ready for night on the town in the same time it takes, us, women to decided what we’re going to wear! And you know what? I have to be totally honest here; I'm one of these women. Give me a rugged and rough around the edges man any day--and especially at night!
Body Language
Body language, yes,that fascinating use of space and nonverbal communication between us that says it all without speaking a single word. Do you pick up on every little, and no so little, signal that's sent you way?

According to the experts, our non-verbal language communicates about 50% of what we really mean, voice tone contributes 38%, while words themselves contribute a mere 7%. And yet, many people are simply unaware of how loudly they communicate with their bodies.

So, this woman looks directly at a man, licks her luscious lips, then sidles over to him and whispers in his ear, "I was wondering if you have the time?" Well, hot damn it! She wants to know if he has the time all right, but let me tell you, she's not the least bit interested in his watch!

On that note, it's interesting to note, that research shows that most men need to have body language repeated up to three times before it actually registers. While women tend to pick up on it immediately. Why might this be so? Is it possibly because women perhaps tend to note and pay more attention to small details? (e.g. Did any of you men out there realise that I've just used the word 'note' three times in this paragraph?)

Men may be slow to pick up body language, but they certainly know how to perform it. The stroking of the tie is a classic. He may be rather proud of his new Gucci accessory, but that's not the reason he's fondling it so fondly as he's trying to chat up that hot babe. No, he's much more focused on something further down, and he's desperately hoping she will be, too, before the evening's over. Yes, body language speaks, and that one just screams phallic!

You often see body language performed on en masse, too. A gorgeous woman walks up to a group of men, and immediately they all take a deep breath, pull their bellies in, and puff out their collective chests. Why, you can almost hear the rush of the air being sucked up during this all mighty mansoon as each one's body language shouts, "Pick me! I'm the Alpha male!"

Of course, our use and reading of body language is largely subconscious. We send out messages constantly, and yet we don't always recognise that we're communicating. A gay friend told me he can always spot other gays immediately. I asked him how. He said, "When I make eye contact with a straight man, he looks away. A gay man doesn't." I'm sure hetro men don't give it a second thought, but what their actually saying is, "Sorry, mate, I'm straight."

It can be as subtle as that, or as blatant as the tie titillation, but either way we're telling others something about ourselves. It's the message about what's really on our minds. So, are you in touch with the bodies and body language around you? Do recognise the difference between a come hither glance and go slither glare? Are you in tune with the most secret and powerful language of all?