My New Year Resolution
I realise talking about New Year resolutions is a bit trite and unoriginal but, the things is, when the last days of December are rolling around, and so I am, it always seems like an appropriate topic. It's that time of year when all the champagne, ham, pudding and other Christmas goodies seem to suddenly morph from good cheer into a thicker waistline and the well-worn, and time honoured, tradition of the New Year's resolution.
Mine never change; I'm a reputed recycler of resolutions. I tell you, if I actually stuck to all of my New Year's resolutions I'd have a body fit for the cat walk of a Victoria's Secret parade! I'd be so freaking healthy I'd just about glow the dark! And, of course, I wouldn't be sitting here typing this because I'd be too busy sweating it out at the gym or pounding the pavement!
Ok, so, this year I'm trying a completely different strategy. I'm not going to deny myself anything! I solemnly swear to indulge my in love of all things delicious and chocolatey. Under no circumstances will I refuse extra helpings of my favourite dessert! I will drink at least six cups of coffee a day with sugar and cream! Yes, I'm saying good bye to those shorts and runners of mine, and hellooooo to big Macs and fries! And, if I feel like laying in front of the telly, in my loosest fitting tracky, munching potato chips for hours on end, damn it, I'll do that too!
Now, the way I figure it, from past experiences, is that I'll have broken all of these new New Year resolutions by mid January at the very latest. So, using this brilliant reverse-self-psychology plan of mine, I'm estimating that by the end of March I'll be fitter and healthier than I've been in years!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Death, Taxes, and Grocery Shopping
Something is really bugging me. So, I've made up my mind right here and now to deal with in a way that only I, Alex, as a woman, can! In the time honoured tradition of my sisters worldwide; the same way generations of my sex have been dealing with things that have irritated them for years—nae, centuries! I'm going to have a damned good bitch about it!
Ok, so I went shopping the other day. I decided to visit a new centre that's just opened up near our house. I tell you it's huge! It's like, "Oh, you want milk? Sure, you just go down this aisle, make a left at the jams and mustards, take a right at the fruit and vege, keep going past the spagetti and noodles--and you just can't miss it."
It's such a drag, but as Hamish Maxwell, Philip Morris' chairman is said to have said: "People may ultimately stop drinking or smoking, though I don't believe it, but you can bet your life they'lll keep on eating."
Damn it, he's right! People's eating habits may change, but that's about all.
Speaking of which, how come when ever a label says "special low fat" or "special low salt", or "special" anything for that matter, it almost always also means special high price? My pet peeve is "special" prices that they've just knocked a measely two or three cents off. Big deal! We don't even have one and two cents coins in Australia anymore, so how can they do that? And, on that note, there ought to be a law against prices with a second decimal place number nine. It's ridiculous!
Ah, but I digress...
Well, I managed to find everything we needed, plus a whole lot more, so I headed for the checkout. As I stood there, and stood there some more--yes, by the time the average person reaches the age of fifty they will have spent approxmately five days queuing-- I couldn't help but wonder why some people just stand there and then wait until they're told the amount of their purchase, before they actually start rumaging through their handbag, wallet, or what ever to find something to pay with. What are they thinking? "Maybe today I'll be the lucky one millionth customer who doesn't have to pay for my groceries."?
Ok, so, then made my way back to the vast expanse of bitumen known as the shoppers' carpark, and damn it, I couldn't remember where I'd parked! A friend of mine drives this gaudy red topless bug thing with black and white faux cow hide seat covers. She never loses her car.
I did find my vehicle, eventually, exactly where I'd left it, but two huge fourwheel drives were parked either side of it. I had to literally turnside ways to squeeze my scrawny little body in the dirver's seat, and then I had to play Russian roulette to back my car out because there was just no way I could see past those huger than huge suckers.
I tell you, shopping centres are a domestic endurance; a ruthless struggle in a suburban jungle!
And, I tell you something else, death, taxes and grocery shopping are the three things in life you just can't aviod.
Something is really bugging me. So, I've made up my mind right here and now to deal with in a way that only I, Alex, as a woman, can! In the time honoured tradition of my sisters worldwide; the same way generations of my sex have been dealing with things that have irritated them for years—nae, centuries! I'm going to have a damned good bitch about it!
Ok, so I went shopping the other day. I decided to visit a new centre that's just opened up near our house. I tell you it's huge! It's like, "Oh, you want milk? Sure, you just go down this aisle, make a left at the jams and mustards, take a right at the fruit and vege, keep going past the spagetti and noodles--and you just can't miss it."
It's such a drag, but as Hamish Maxwell, Philip Morris' chairman is said to have said: "People may ultimately stop drinking or smoking, though I don't believe it, but you can bet your life they'lll keep on eating."
Damn it, he's right! People's eating habits may change, but that's about all.
Speaking of which, how come when ever a label says "special low fat" or "special low salt", or "special" anything for that matter, it almost always also means special high price? My pet peeve is "special" prices that they've just knocked a measely two or three cents off. Big deal! We don't even have one and two cents coins in Australia anymore, so how can they do that? And, on that note, there ought to be a law against prices with a second decimal place number nine. It's ridiculous!
Ah, but I digress...
Well, I managed to find everything we needed, plus a whole lot more, so I headed for the checkout. As I stood there, and stood there some more--yes, by the time the average person reaches the age of fifty they will have spent approxmately five days queuing-- I couldn't help but wonder why some people just stand there and then wait until they're told the amount of their purchase, before they actually start rumaging through their handbag, wallet, or what ever to find something to pay with. What are they thinking? "Maybe today I'll be the lucky one millionth customer who doesn't have to pay for my groceries."?
Ok, so, then made my way back to the vast expanse of bitumen known as the shoppers' carpark, and damn it, I couldn't remember where I'd parked! A friend of mine drives this gaudy red topless bug thing with black and white faux cow hide seat covers. She never loses her car.
I did find my vehicle, eventually, exactly where I'd left it, but two huge fourwheel drives were parked either side of it. I had to literally turnside ways to squeeze my scrawny little body in the dirver's seat, and then I had to play Russian roulette to back my car out because there was just no way I could see past those huger than huge suckers.
I tell you, shopping centres are a domestic endurance; a ruthless struggle in a suburban jungle!
And, I tell you something else, death, taxes and grocery shopping are the three things in life you just can't aviod.
Men on Top
Ladies, is it possible to imagine anything more erotically decadent and luxurious than being on the bottom? No, no, no! I'm no talking about being the bottom a-la bdsm! I'm talking about being on the bottom—literally—laying back on that big old bed and letting him do all the hard yakka and sweating while you close your eyes and just enjoy it all. Yes, good o' fashioned him on top of her sex!
In years gone, I guess it was considered rather unmanly for a man to allow a woman to be on top. Oh sure, I'm sure it went on, but I'm also sure it wasn't ever talked about, especially amongst the fairer sex. In fact I would wager it would have been thought of as rather kinky. Women, or more correctly—'ladies', just weren't meant to get aroused sufficiently to want take a man sexually. It was considered unnatural for a woman to feel that way. In The Merchant's Tale, Chaucer described an aroused woman as "mannish". And, in Tom Jones, Henry Fielding declared, "I dare to swear the wench was willing as he!"
So, is it 'mannish', or in appropriate, for a woman to take control during sex and place herself on top?
Well, of course it damn well is!
Men are physically stronger than women, they're meant to be the active partner during sex. It's the way they're built—strong arms and legs for supporting themselves over their delicate and venerated women. Women,on the other hand, have soft cushiony butts to rest back on during sex and bodies that are soft and smooth—ideal for pumping up and down on.
I think it just dandy that men have discovered that women don't lose half their brain cells when they get married; that their perfectly capable of balancing a cheque book, and equally qualified to assess and have a say in how their country is run. It is, however, rather disappointing to me that women's liberation has spoilt certain aspects of sex.
Once upon a time sex was no effort at all for us women. It was all lay back and enjoy, "Take me. Take me! I'm yours!" Now, thanks to the likes of the Blue Stocking Brigade, he wants a piece of the action, or rather lack of it, too! It's just not fair! I tell you, I want to see women liberated from this kind of women's liberation!
Ok, so, maybe life isn't always fair? Maybe it isn't all about getting what you want? If it was, I'd be laying naked on a topical island, an icey margarita in one hand and fan in the other, while Ben Affleck (also naked) laid on top of me panting, sweating, and working his cute little butt off as....
Ah, but I digress.
Well, I still want see men back on top, exactly where they belong, serving and pleasuring women everywhere!
But, seriously, do you believe women's movement has helped or hindered our sex lives? Are men sometimes perhaps intimidated by women with a sex drives as strong, or stronger than their own, or do most find it a big turn on? Does it perhaps depend on how secure the man is with his own sexuality?
I really don't want to get too personal here, but what do you think about it? :)
Footnote: Surveys show that men generally support "women's issues," more than women do! They (surveys) also show that women generally believe women's liberation has benefited men more then women. That is, women have assumed more responsibility for financially supporting the family than men have assumed for caring for the house and family. Hochschild (1989) interviewed 50 two-career couples and found that the women worked 15 hours more each week than their husbands did.
Ladies, is it possible to imagine anything more erotically decadent and luxurious than being on the bottom? No, no, no! I'm no talking about being the bottom a-la bdsm! I'm talking about being on the bottom—literally—laying back on that big old bed and letting him do all the hard yakka and sweating while you close your eyes and just enjoy it all. Yes, good o' fashioned him on top of her sex!
In years gone, I guess it was considered rather unmanly for a man to allow a woman to be on top. Oh sure, I'm sure it went on, but I'm also sure it wasn't ever talked about, especially amongst the fairer sex. In fact I would wager it would have been thought of as rather kinky. Women, or more correctly—'ladies', just weren't meant to get aroused sufficiently to want take a man sexually. It was considered unnatural for a woman to feel that way. In The Merchant's Tale, Chaucer described an aroused woman as "mannish". And, in Tom Jones, Henry Fielding declared, "I dare to swear the wench was willing as he!"
So, is it 'mannish', or in appropriate, for a woman to take control during sex and place herself on top?
Well, of course it damn well is!
Men are physically stronger than women, they're meant to be the active partner during sex. It's the way they're built—strong arms and legs for supporting themselves over their delicate and venerated women. Women,on the other hand, have soft cushiony butts to rest back on during sex and bodies that are soft and smooth—ideal for pumping up and down on.
I think it just dandy that men have discovered that women don't lose half their brain cells when they get married; that their perfectly capable of balancing a cheque book, and equally qualified to assess and have a say in how their country is run. It is, however, rather disappointing to me that women's liberation has spoilt certain aspects of sex.
Once upon a time sex was no effort at all for us women. It was all lay back and enjoy, "Take me. Take me! I'm yours!" Now, thanks to the likes of the Blue Stocking Brigade, he wants a piece of the action, or rather lack of it, too! It's just not fair! I tell you, I want to see women liberated from this kind of women's liberation!
Ok, so, maybe life isn't always fair? Maybe it isn't all about getting what you want? If it was, I'd be laying naked on a topical island, an icey margarita in one hand and fan in the other, while Ben Affleck (also naked) laid on top of me panting, sweating, and working his cute little butt off as....
Ah, but I digress.
Well, I still want see men back on top, exactly where they belong, serving and pleasuring women everywhere!
But, seriously, do you believe women's movement has helped or hindered our sex lives? Are men sometimes perhaps intimidated by women with a sex drives as strong, or stronger than their own, or do most find it a big turn on? Does it perhaps depend on how secure the man is with his own sexuality?
I really don't want to get too personal here, but what do you think about it? :)
Footnote: Surveys show that men generally support "women's issues," more than women do! They (surveys) also show that women generally believe women's liberation has benefited men more then women. That is, women have assumed more responsibility for financially supporting the family than men have assumed for caring for the house and family. Hochschild (1989) interviewed 50 two-career couples and found that the women worked 15 hours more each week than their husbands did.
My Disappearing Christmas
Dr. Seuss told us, in his own special way, "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". Well, nobody's stolen anything this Christmas. Oh, but Christmas, the real Christmas, the one I grew up with, seems to be disappearing faster than Santy at dawn. I see it eroding year by year as we bow more and more to ridiculous notions of political correctness and over the top secularism. Every year it gets worse. Can't we be spared the cultural and religious differences just long enough to enjoy a good old-fashioned "Merry Christmas"?
Increasingly, the season is marred by debates over whether, or not, it's proper to display nativity scenes, sing carols, put up Christmas decorations, and so it goes, on and on. Just last week I read about how Santas around Australia have been banned from calling the exuberant and cheerful, "Ho, ho, ho!" because "some people might be upset by it".
What should we expect next? Is a fat Santa really a good role model for our kids? Should one of the three wise men be represented by a female, so the women's movement won't feel left out? Should the baby Jesus be depicted as coffee coloured to avoid being seen as racially prejudiced? And, please, before anyone jumps on me, I'm not talking about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ because I feel that's just a peripheral thing for Christians to revere. Let's face it, Christmas has been so modified and modernised over the last two thousand years that it means so much more and so much less than that now. I'm talking, quite simply, about a good happy time of the year for people to forget their differences and unite in friendship, tolerance, and understanding.
I'm not a Christian but I can still enjoy the Christmas season with all its glitter, trimmings, and seasonal excitement, can't I? Well, Christmas pageants and decorations are gradually disappearing from public schools and many other buildings, and the rousing "Merry Christmas!" is evolving into a generic and bland "Happy Holidays". We're just so afraid of offending someone, or some group, somehow. Which someone, which group, and how, no one really seems very clear about.
Secular, smecular! I don't want a sanitised season! If we can't understand and celebrate our differences, can't we at least be open minded enough to respect and tolerate them?
According to the song, "It's the most wonderful time of the year..." yet it's getting to feel more and more tiresome.
A little more giving, which is the basic message of Christmas, would surely help.
Now, please, may I wish you a very Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Happy Kwanzaa! And, damn it--anything else that you choose to celebrate, that happens to fall in the month of December!
Dr. Seuss told us, in his own special way, "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". Well, nobody's stolen anything this Christmas. Oh, but Christmas, the real Christmas, the one I grew up with, seems to be disappearing faster than Santy at dawn. I see it eroding year by year as we bow more and more to ridiculous notions of political correctness and over the top secularism. Every year it gets worse. Can't we be spared the cultural and religious differences just long enough to enjoy a good old-fashioned "Merry Christmas"?
Increasingly, the season is marred by debates over whether, or not, it's proper to display nativity scenes, sing carols, put up Christmas decorations, and so it goes, on and on. Just last week I read about how Santas around Australia have been banned from calling the exuberant and cheerful, "Ho, ho, ho!" because "some people might be upset by it".
What should we expect next? Is a fat Santa really a good role model for our kids? Should one of the three wise men be represented by a female, so the women's movement won't feel left out? Should the baby Jesus be depicted as coffee coloured to avoid being seen as racially prejudiced? And, please, before anyone jumps on me, I'm not talking about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ because I feel that's just a peripheral thing for Christians to revere. Let's face it, Christmas has been so modified and modernised over the last two thousand years that it means so much more and so much less than that now. I'm talking, quite simply, about a good happy time of the year for people to forget their differences and unite in friendship, tolerance, and understanding.
I'm not a Christian but I can still enjoy the Christmas season with all its glitter, trimmings, and seasonal excitement, can't I? Well, Christmas pageants and decorations are gradually disappearing from public schools and many other buildings, and the rousing "Merry Christmas!" is evolving into a generic and bland "Happy Holidays". We're just so afraid of offending someone, or some group, somehow. Which someone, which group, and how, no one really seems very clear about.
Secular, smecular! I don't want a sanitised season! If we can't understand and celebrate our differences, can't we at least be open minded enough to respect and tolerate them?
According to the song, "It's the most wonderful time of the year..." yet it's getting to feel more and more tiresome.
A little more giving, which is the basic message of Christmas, would surely help.
Now, please, may I wish you a very Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Happy Kwanzaa! And, damn it--anything else that you choose to celebrate, that happens to fall in the month of December!
Saturday, November 24, 2007
beautifulpeople.net
"beautifulpeople.net —introducing beautiful people to other beautiful people".
No, this web address isn't some kind stupid joke. Oh, no! This is real live, really serious stuff for those elitist plastic fantastics on the look for—no, not Miss or Mr Right, but—Miss or Mr Perfect!
Those hoping to gain membership must first submit a photo of themselves. A rating process invites existing members of the opposite sex to vote on whether a new applicant is 'beautiful' enough to be granted a membership, while those who don't measure up are ruthlessly booted off. I'm not sure exactly what happens if a member breaks the rules by say putting on weight, losing their suntan, forgetting to use their tooth whitener or, perish the thought, having too many birthdays. I guess they’re booted out too.
Organisers say only one in 15 applications passes this stringent process—but claim more than 500 apply each day. "People are fed up of wasting time and money meeting unattractive people on the net," explained a spokesman for the site, "beautifulpeople.net isn't about political correctness. We simply and unashamedly exist so that beautiful people can meet other beautiful people."
Does anyone else find this as ludicrous as me? What about finding your soul mate based on compatibility, friendship and true love? Isn't intelligence attractive? Doesn't being a good person count for something? What about having a great sense of humour, or being brave and courageous? And, surely being kind and caring should tip the scales of love in your favour?
But wait just an eyebrow plucking moment, how many people are fortunate enough to be born with a beautiful body and a perfect face anyway? It frequently takes a lot of hard work and effort to be a 'beautiful person'! It can take years of dreary dieting, countless hours of exercise, and endless pill popping to achieve that 'perfect' body. And, let's not forget it takes a lot of guts to allow a surgeon to slice into your face to achieve nothing less that the perfect nose, chin, or what ever. Not to mention how brave you have to be to allow someone to stick a steel tube into your belly or thighs, or both, in order to have that 'excess' fat sucked out! And, what about those age defying martyrs who suffer the agony of having poison injected into their faces to hide their smile lines? Yes, the list of gruelling and painful practices and procedures some people are prepared to endure for the sake of vanity goes on and on—mercifully, for those reading this, I won't.
In fairness, some people really are just simply born beautiful. So, maybe I'm being too harsh on the 'beautifulpeople.net'? After all isn't this group just the non-intellectual equivalent of Mensa? Nobody knocks Mensa. These 'beautiful people' may not have mastered quantum physics or understand Einstein's theory of relativity, but damn it, most of them will have worked tirelessly at preening themselves and perfecting their poses! We never criticise like-minded intelligent people enjoying each other's company. So, alternatively, what's so silly about beautiful bodied, clone faced people mixing and mingling?
Well, unfortunately, unlike intelligence, courage, kindness, and many other qualities we look for in a mate, the concept of physical beauty is constantly changing. Like it or not, the way we look is just a temporary and superficial measure of who we are, since every minutes of every day we're all changing and aging—it's just the natural process of life.
Please, I'm not suggesting that a great looking man, or woman, can't possess many of the same mate-attracting attributes as their plainer looking brothers and sisters. And, I'm not saying that people who have gain success because of their looks are any less deserving of those who haven't. Intelligence and beauty, however, are largely to do with our environment and genetics, both of which we have no control over.
Certainly few things in life are worthier of celebration than ‘beauty’. It's just that, I really think we're sinking to all new levels of shallowness when groups like this rear their ugly heads.
"beautifulpeople.net —introducing beautiful people to other beautiful people".
No, this web address isn't some kind stupid joke. Oh, no! This is real live, really serious stuff for those elitist plastic fantastics on the look for—no, not Miss or Mr Right, but—Miss or Mr Perfect!
Those hoping to gain membership must first submit a photo of themselves. A rating process invites existing members of the opposite sex to vote on whether a new applicant is 'beautiful' enough to be granted a membership, while those who don't measure up are ruthlessly booted off. I'm not sure exactly what happens if a member breaks the rules by say putting on weight, losing their suntan, forgetting to use their tooth whitener or, perish the thought, having too many birthdays. I guess they’re booted out too.
Organisers say only one in 15 applications passes this stringent process—but claim more than 500 apply each day. "People are fed up of wasting time and money meeting unattractive people on the net," explained a spokesman for the site, "beautifulpeople.net isn't about political correctness. We simply and unashamedly exist so that beautiful people can meet other beautiful people."
Does anyone else find this as ludicrous as me? What about finding your soul mate based on compatibility, friendship and true love? Isn't intelligence attractive? Doesn't being a good person count for something? What about having a great sense of humour, or being brave and courageous? And, surely being kind and caring should tip the scales of love in your favour?
But wait just an eyebrow plucking moment, how many people are fortunate enough to be born with a beautiful body and a perfect face anyway? It frequently takes a lot of hard work and effort to be a 'beautiful person'! It can take years of dreary dieting, countless hours of exercise, and endless pill popping to achieve that 'perfect' body. And, let's not forget it takes a lot of guts to allow a surgeon to slice into your face to achieve nothing less that the perfect nose, chin, or what ever. Not to mention how brave you have to be to allow someone to stick a steel tube into your belly or thighs, or both, in order to have that 'excess' fat sucked out! And, what about those age defying martyrs who suffer the agony of having poison injected into their faces to hide their smile lines? Yes, the list of gruelling and painful practices and procedures some people are prepared to endure for the sake of vanity goes on and on—mercifully, for those reading this, I won't.
In fairness, some people really are just simply born beautiful. So, maybe I'm being too harsh on the 'beautifulpeople.net'? After all isn't this group just the non-intellectual equivalent of Mensa? Nobody knocks Mensa. These 'beautiful people' may not have mastered quantum physics or understand Einstein's theory of relativity, but damn it, most of them will have worked tirelessly at preening themselves and perfecting their poses! We never criticise like-minded intelligent people enjoying each other's company. So, alternatively, what's so silly about beautiful bodied, clone faced people mixing and mingling?
Well, unfortunately, unlike intelligence, courage, kindness, and many other qualities we look for in a mate, the concept of physical beauty is constantly changing. Like it or not, the way we look is just a temporary and superficial measure of who we are, since every minutes of every day we're all changing and aging—it's just the natural process of life.
Please, I'm not suggesting that a great looking man, or woman, can't possess many of the same mate-attracting attributes as their plainer looking brothers and sisters. And, I'm not saying that people who have gain success because of their looks are any less deserving of those who haven't. Intelligence and beauty, however, are largely to do with our environment and genetics, both of which we have no control over.
Certainly few things in life are worthier of celebration than ‘beauty’. It's just that, I really think we're sinking to all new levels of shallowness when groups like this rear their ugly heads.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
My Silver Slippers
As I sit here, in my comfy slippers, I just can't help but think—"Oh, the pressures of looking gorgeous and glamorous for, us, women."
It's easy for men, but when the invitation says "black tie" it invariable means high heels for their partners. I mean, I'm no fashionista, but even I realise it's just not a good look to wear pair of shoes that look like a couple of giant squashed olives with a cocktail dress. Eek! However, especially for any length of time, a pair of high heels can be one of the most uncomfortable items in a woman's wardrobe. So, why do women wear them? It's vanity, I tell you, that's what it is that makes women sacrifice comfort for compliments!
It's like, what makes a Hollywood actress look so damned hot and sexy strutting her stuff on the red carpet? Is it her fabulously flawless face and overly coiffured hair? The skimpy designer gown that's barely covering her hotter than hot body? Or, even, the million dollar jewels she's managed mooch a loan of? Oh, no, no! I tell you, it's those damned skyscraper heels she's so practised at wearing, that's what it is!
I ask you, what red-blooded male can resist a woman in high heels? And, as any hetrosexual man will tell you, a pair of stilettos will always make curvaceous legs look even longer and lovelier. Yep, whether a woman's doing a sexy strut in the bedroom, or a twirl on the dance floor, a pair of spiky heels will most surely boost, not only her butt, but her sex appeal too!
I suppose I shouldn't complain so much. I'm a very average shoe size, so at least I have a good choice of styles. I have friend who's almost 180cm and her feet are much longer to match. I mean, not Sideshow Bob big, but large enough that it's really difficult for her to find anything that's doesn't come in black or brown, and look like something my granny might wear. She also has legs that go for days, and a face and body that makes men's mouths drop wide open when she walks into a room, so I guess it's only fair that she should have trouble buying shoes.
Ah, but I digress…
Anyway, we've been invited to this 'black tie' evening, again. It's a regular thing every year coming up to Christmas. It just seems so inappropriate, too, to expect men to wear suits and ties in such warm weather. I guess they don't call it the silly season for nothing.Well, I found a pair of gorgeous shoes, but they're not even marginally ambulatory! So, why am I such a victim? Maybe I should just spray paint my slippers silver instead?
As I sit here, in my comfy slippers, I just can't help but think—"Oh, the pressures of looking gorgeous and glamorous for, us, women."
It's easy for men, but when the invitation says "black tie" it invariable means high heels for their partners. I mean, I'm no fashionista, but even I realise it's just not a good look to wear pair of shoes that look like a couple of giant squashed olives with a cocktail dress. Eek! However, especially for any length of time, a pair of high heels can be one of the most uncomfortable items in a woman's wardrobe. So, why do women wear them? It's vanity, I tell you, that's what it is that makes women sacrifice comfort for compliments!
It's like, what makes a Hollywood actress look so damned hot and sexy strutting her stuff on the red carpet? Is it her fabulously flawless face and overly coiffured hair? The skimpy designer gown that's barely covering her hotter than hot body? Or, even, the million dollar jewels she's managed mooch a loan of? Oh, no, no! I tell you, it's those damned skyscraper heels she's so practised at wearing, that's what it is!
I ask you, what red-blooded male can resist a woman in high heels? And, as any hetrosexual man will tell you, a pair of stilettos will always make curvaceous legs look even longer and lovelier. Yep, whether a woman's doing a sexy strut in the bedroom, or a twirl on the dance floor, a pair of spiky heels will most surely boost, not only her butt, but her sex appeal too!
I suppose I shouldn't complain so much. I'm a very average shoe size, so at least I have a good choice of styles. I have friend who's almost 180cm and her feet are much longer to match. I mean, not Sideshow Bob big, but large enough that it's really difficult for her to find anything that's doesn't come in black or brown, and look like something my granny might wear. She also has legs that go for days, and a face and body that makes men's mouths drop wide open when she walks into a room, so I guess it's only fair that she should have trouble buying shoes.
Ah, but I digress…
Anyway, we've been invited to this 'black tie' evening, again. It's a regular thing every year coming up to Christmas. It just seems so inappropriate, too, to expect men to wear suits and ties in such warm weather. I guess they don't call it the silly season for nothing.Well, I found a pair of gorgeous shoes, but they're not even marginally ambulatory! So, why am I such a victim? Maybe I should just spray paint my slippers silver instead?
His World
I did something extraordinary leading up to Christmas; I ventured, all alone, into the hermetically (himetically?) sealed world of the hardware store. The place where sons of Adam take pride in dominating over everything created in metal and wood. Where the only other place a man can feel more like man's man is in his own private Eden—his backyard shed.
I was looking for one of those rotisserie things you attach to a barbeque. I thought it might make an interesting and novel Christmas gift for my other half since the barbie is, without question, his domain. Actually, I think its one of man's most primal urges to want to cook meat over an open fire. It's like "Me big brave hunter—take care of steak and sausages. You, little woman—gatherer of salads and burger buns."
Yes, real men know how to handle a barbie!
But I digress...
So anyway, back to the hardware store where a most affable store assistant approached me. He seemed kind of impressed that I knew the exact make and model of our barbie and began a long explanation about how to install the nifty gadget. I was feeling kind of flattered that he, of the male species, would share his 'superior' knowledge of such complex things as 'drill bits' and 'brackets' with me—one of the mere female variety.
Then, I mentioned my mate and he immediately cut the tutorial short, telling me: "Oh, don't worry then, he'll know how to do it for sure." I felt desolated! I felt deflated! Damn it, I felt dethrone from my position of gender equality! Well, the male of the species giveth, and the male of the species taketh away.
I did something extraordinary leading up to Christmas; I ventured, all alone, into the hermetically (himetically?) sealed world of the hardware store. The place where sons of Adam take pride in dominating over everything created in metal and wood. Where the only other place a man can feel more like man's man is in his own private Eden—his backyard shed.
I was looking for one of those rotisserie things you attach to a barbeque. I thought it might make an interesting and novel Christmas gift for my other half since the barbie is, without question, his domain. Actually, I think its one of man's most primal urges to want to cook meat over an open fire. It's like "Me big brave hunter—take care of steak and sausages. You, little woman—gatherer of salads and burger buns."
Yes, real men know how to handle a barbie!
But I digress...
So anyway, back to the hardware store where a most affable store assistant approached me. He seemed kind of impressed that I knew the exact make and model of our barbie and began a long explanation about how to install the nifty gadget. I was feeling kind of flattered that he, of the male species, would share his 'superior' knowledge of such complex things as 'drill bits' and 'brackets' with me—one of the mere female variety.
Then, I mentioned my mate and he immediately cut the tutorial short, telling me: "Oh, don't worry then, he'll know how to do it for sure." I felt desolated! I felt deflated! Damn it, I felt dethrone from my position of gender equality! Well, the male of the species giveth, and the male of the species taketh away.
Friday, November 9, 2007
The Suntan Fad
Throughout history primitive tribes have worshipped the sun. Indeed, many people still do, while making huge sacrifices! So, what exactly is it about a suntan that so many people perceive as a healthy and sexy look? What's exactly is so gorgeous about skin that's been exposed to the sun until it looks like well-worn leather? And, what's so damned healthy about sunburn, sunspots, and skin cancer?
I tell you, I could baste and bake my poor little bod twelve hours a day, seven days a week and it still wouldn't cook to anything like a well done brown. Sure I'm a blonde, but there's just no way I'm ever going to achieve that photo negative Paris Hilton look unless it's been sprayed on at least five layers of fake tan!
I guess the idea of a tan being glamorous dates back to, the then trendsetter, Coco Chanel. Before she came back from her holiday in... oh, I don't know, some exotic place, that only the rich and famous frequented, no one could have cared less whether or not your skin was tanned. Then, after her little sojourn, almost over night, a suntan became synonymous with a glamorous and leisurely lifestyle.
Actually, before that, I guess a sun tan rather marked you as one of the working class, and certainly not beautiful or something worth striving for. Wasn't it Mr. Darcy from Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice who, upon observing Elizabeth had been spending too much time outdoors, observed, "Her skin has become rather brownish; most unattractive..."?
Just look at Nicole Kidman --I wouldn't have to tell my other half twice, he's madly in lust with that woman!. Yes, just look at her smoother than smooth, paler than pale, milkier than milky complexion. How does she get that way anyway; that incredibly fine and translucent looking skin-- moonbaking? She's just gorgeous! And, I tell you something else, you won't be seeing any premature winkles or aging on her lovely face and body.
So, armed with the knowledge we now have about the dangers of too much sun, why are so many people still so determined to expose themselves to those harmful rays for the sake of darker skin? I ask you, what exactly will it take for the suntan fad to fade into the flaky falderal of fashion's fickle and farcical history?
Throughout history primitive tribes have worshipped the sun. Indeed, many people still do, while making huge sacrifices! So, what exactly is it about a suntan that so many people perceive as a healthy and sexy look? What's exactly is so gorgeous about skin that's been exposed to the sun until it looks like well-worn leather? And, what's so damned healthy about sunburn, sunspots, and skin cancer?
I tell you, I could baste and bake my poor little bod twelve hours a day, seven days a week and it still wouldn't cook to anything like a well done brown. Sure I'm a blonde, but there's just no way I'm ever going to achieve that photo negative Paris Hilton look unless it's been sprayed on at least five layers of fake tan!
I guess the idea of a tan being glamorous dates back to, the then trendsetter, Coco Chanel. Before she came back from her holiday in... oh, I don't know, some exotic place, that only the rich and famous frequented, no one could have cared less whether or not your skin was tanned. Then, after her little sojourn, almost over night, a suntan became synonymous with a glamorous and leisurely lifestyle.
Actually, before that, I guess a sun tan rather marked you as one of the working class, and certainly not beautiful or something worth striving for. Wasn't it Mr. Darcy from Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice who, upon observing Elizabeth had been spending too much time outdoors, observed, "Her skin has become rather brownish; most unattractive..."?
Just look at Nicole Kidman --I wouldn't have to tell my other half twice, he's madly in lust with that woman!. Yes, just look at her smoother than smooth, paler than pale, milkier than milky complexion. How does she get that way anyway; that incredibly fine and translucent looking skin-- moonbaking? She's just gorgeous! And, I tell you something else, you won't be seeing any premature winkles or aging on her lovely face and body.
So, armed with the knowledge we now have about the dangers of too much sun, why are so many people still so determined to expose themselves to those harmful rays for the sake of darker skin? I ask you, what exactly will it take for the suntan fad to fade into the flaky falderal of fashion's fickle and farcical history?
The Bald Truth
You know, every time I hear a man making self-deprecating jokes about his baldness, I have to ask myself, "Why?". I mean, sure women look for certain qualities in choosing a mate, but how often do you hear one say, "Well, what I'm really looking for in a man is hair. Yep, loads of it, and it's all got to be on top of his head."?
I read a quote by actor Bruce Willis a while back, he said, "I don't rely on my hair for my masculinity or my acting." Ah, yes, Bruce Willis, what pure uninhibited masculinity! Why, every word he utters simply drips with testosterone. While so many men in Hollywood literally chop and change their hair to suite the roles they play, Bruce's sexy trade mark, his five o'clock shadow and close cut hair, remains unchanged. What on earth was Demi thinking when she left him for that baby faced what's his name? I just don't get it. What sane woman lets a hot hubby like Bruce slip away? Sure, I realise a lot of women go through crazy mid-life crisises, and maybe so is she, but "Bruce" verses "Ashton"? I mean, ladies, if you had to choose... I mean if you were given a choice... I mean if you could be so fuckin' lucky, honestly, which one would you take?
Ah, but I digress....
Well, sure bald and balding men can be just as sexy as their hairy brothers. Remember the late, the great, the hotter than hot, Yule Brynner? He didn't need hair to make him one of the sexiest men ever? In fact wasn't it his lack of hair that rather intensified his smouldering good looks? What about Britain's sexiest man, Sean Connery? I tell you, with or without hair, that man doesn't get older he just gets hotter. Ed Harris, Woody Harrelson, andr Brendon Fraser, to name just a few, are all losing their hair, but who cares? Hair does not maketh the man.
OK, so, if you're a man concerned about your receding hair line or thinning top, how about following Bruce's lead because, let me tell you, that rugged masculine look is simply tailor-made for you!
But really, how did all this ridiculous obsession with men's hair first come about? Was it perhaps when Delilah hacked off Samson's locks? You know, I think I would have done the same thing, regardless of whether that was really where his strength lay. Like I was just telling someone the other day, I refuse to drool over a man with longer, shinier, or better hair than mine. I want to be the pretty one!
Ah, but I digress again...
Do some men still feel that their masculinity to linked to the hair on their heads? A friend of mine began going bald from a very early age. It bothered him initially, but he's an intelligent man, and he soon realised that it wasn't the changes on the outside, but more specifically the changes on the inside, of his head, that were the real issue. Yes, it's all got to do with attitude. He now proudly shaves his head, and often rubs oil on it too, to make it shiny. Oh, and he has this crazy t-shirt that says: "This mighty sex machine is powered by a cranium solar panel".
So, to all you bald or balding men out there I say, say no to rugs and plugs! Believe me, women are looking for a whole lot more than what is, or isn't, on top of your head. Stop counting those damned hairs, and start listing all of those fine qualities that make you the man you're proud to be!
You know, every time I hear a man making self-deprecating jokes about his baldness, I have to ask myself, "Why?". I mean, sure women look for certain qualities in choosing a mate, but how often do you hear one say, "Well, what I'm really looking for in a man is hair. Yep, loads of it, and it's all got to be on top of his head."?
I read a quote by actor Bruce Willis a while back, he said, "I don't rely on my hair for my masculinity or my acting." Ah, yes, Bruce Willis, what pure uninhibited masculinity! Why, every word he utters simply drips with testosterone. While so many men in Hollywood literally chop and change their hair to suite the roles they play, Bruce's sexy trade mark, his five o'clock shadow and close cut hair, remains unchanged. What on earth was Demi thinking when she left him for that baby faced what's his name? I just don't get it. What sane woman lets a hot hubby like Bruce slip away? Sure, I realise a lot of women go through crazy mid-life crisises, and maybe so is she, but "Bruce" verses "Ashton"? I mean, ladies, if you had to choose... I mean if you were given a choice... I mean if you could be so fuckin' lucky, honestly, which one would you take?
Ah, but I digress....
Well, sure bald and balding men can be just as sexy as their hairy brothers. Remember the late, the great, the hotter than hot, Yule Brynner? He didn't need hair to make him one of the sexiest men ever? In fact wasn't it his lack of hair that rather intensified his smouldering good looks? What about Britain's sexiest man, Sean Connery? I tell you, with or without hair, that man doesn't get older he just gets hotter. Ed Harris, Woody Harrelson, andr Brendon Fraser, to name just a few, are all losing their hair, but who cares? Hair does not maketh the man.
OK, so, if you're a man concerned about your receding hair line or thinning top, how about following Bruce's lead because, let me tell you, that rugged masculine look is simply tailor-made for you!
But really, how did all this ridiculous obsession with men's hair first come about? Was it perhaps when Delilah hacked off Samson's locks? You know, I think I would have done the same thing, regardless of whether that was really where his strength lay. Like I was just telling someone the other day, I refuse to drool over a man with longer, shinier, or better hair than mine. I want to be the pretty one!
Ah, but I digress again...
Do some men still feel that their masculinity to linked to the hair on their heads? A friend of mine began going bald from a very early age. It bothered him initially, but he's an intelligent man, and he soon realised that it wasn't the changes on the outside, but more specifically the changes on the inside, of his head, that were the real issue. Yes, it's all got to do with attitude. He now proudly shaves his head, and often rubs oil on it too, to make it shiny. Oh, and he has this crazy t-shirt that says: "This mighty sex machine is powered by a cranium solar panel".
So, to all you bald or balding men out there I say, say no to rugs and plugs! Believe me, women are looking for a whole lot more than what is, or isn't, on top of your head. Stop counting those damned hairs, and start listing all of those fine qualities that make you the man you're proud to be!
Plastic No So Fantastic
Plastic surgery is nothing new, particularly in Southern California. It is after all land of the beautiful people. A while back, however, while on holidays, I saw adverisments offering women genital cosmetic surgery, “labiaplasty” (nipping women’s genital lips), “vaginal rejuvenation” (tightening the vaginal muscles) and “vaginal reconstruction” (tightening, shaping, sculpting).
One advertisement reads, in part: "Women experiencing sexual dysfunction or embarrassment because their labia (labia minora) are over-sized or asymmetrical. Also women who dislike the large size or shape of their labia, which may cause inelegance or awkwardness with a sexual partner.”
Inelegant or awkward! Well, hello?? Sex isn't always going to be an erotic version of Mills and Boon novel, now is it? Will cutting away part of the labia really make a woman more sexually attractive? Is an "over sized labia" really such a handicap? Or an "asymmetrial labia" really so ugly?
What sort of society is it where women fret about what's between their legs to the extent of considering, and obviously in many cases submitting to, this type of surgery?
Sure, women worrying about their body size and shape is nothing new. Look at our society's obsession with ideal body. It's turning countless teenage girls into anorexics, and it's leaving a legacy of women suffering the effects of fad diets, body scarring, and leaky fake boobs.
Now, it should go without saying, I have no problem what so ever with anyone taking full advantage of reconstructive surgery. Certainly, people who have birth defects or accidents, and women, who have suffered major changes to their bodies due to pregancy and childbirth, should certainly have the option of corrective procedures without compunction.
But, it seems to me that pharmacists, plastic surgeons, and marketing companies are getting richer every day by convincing us all that our bodies are inadequate!
Surely being able to accept yourself, love your face and body, and to use it confidently with your partner is what good sex and body image should be all about.
Plastic surgery is nothing new, particularly in Southern California. It is after all land of the beautiful people. A while back, however, while on holidays, I saw adverisments offering women genital cosmetic surgery, “labiaplasty” (nipping women’s genital lips), “vaginal rejuvenation” (tightening the vaginal muscles) and “vaginal reconstruction” (tightening, shaping, sculpting).
One advertisement reads, in part: "Women experiencing sexual dysfunction or embarrassment because their labia (labia minora) are over-sized or asymmetrical. Also women who dislike the large size or shape of their labia, which may cause inelegance or awkwardness with a sexual partner.”
Inelegant or awkward! Well, hello?? Sex isn't always going to be an erotic version of Mills and Boon novel, now is it? Will cutting away part of the labia really make a woman more sexually attractive? Is an "over sized labia" really such a handicap? Or an "asymmetrial labia" really so ugly?
What sort of society is it where women fret about what's between their legs to the extent of considering, and obviously in many cases submitting to, this type of surgery?
Sure, women worrying about their body size and shape is nothing new. Look at our society's obsession with ideal body. It's turning countless teenage girls into anorexics, and it's leaving a legacy of women suffering the effects of fad diets, body scarring, and leaky fake boobs.
Now, it should go without saying, I have no problem what so ever with anyone taking full advantage of reconstructive surgery. Certainly, people who have birth defects or accidents, and women, who have suffered major changes to their bodies due to pregancy and childbirth, should certainly have the option of corrective procedures without compunction.
But, it seems to me that pharmacists, plastic surgeons, and marketing companies are getting richer every day by convincing us all that our bodies are inadequate!
Surely being able to accept yourself, love your face and body, and to use it confidently with your partner is what good sex and body image should be all about.
Be Happy
I was reading an article about the late Christina Onassis the other day, while I was waiting to have my hair trimmed. I'd decided to lash out a little and have it washed and blow dried also. Apparently, the world's wealthiest woman was a very 'down to earth' kind of lady, in fact, although it was never actually confirmed, it was rumored that she even used to wash her own hair!
Sure, I'm sure she had her ups and downs, just like all of us of 'down to earth' people, but I guess, too, it's all relative. Like this morning when I took my jeans out of the washer only to find they were covered in little pieces of fluff white stuff. I just bet Ms Onassis never experienced the frustration of discovering she'd accidently left a tissue in the pocket of her jeans when she washed them.Then again, on the flip side, maybe one of the reasons she was reputed to be so damned miserable most of her life was that, and I know this is very cliched, she never really enjoyed the simple things in life.
It's interesting to note studies done by the University of Illinois and University of Pennsylvania, last year, revealed that a nation's economic fortitude is not as tied to the well-being of its citizens as previous believed."It has been assumed that money increases well-being and, although money can be measured with exactitude, it is an inexact surrogate to the actual well-being of a nation. In a 1985 survey, respondents from the Forbes list of the 400 richest Americans and the Maasai of East Africa were almost equally satisfied and ranked relatively high in well-being. The Maasai are a traditional herding people who have no electricity or running water and live in huts made of dung. It follows, that economic development and personal income must not account for the happiness that they are so often linked to."Instead, the researchers propose that a population's "engagement, purpose and meaning, optimism and trust, and positive and negative emotions in specific areas such as work life and social relationships" should be considered when measuring the strength of a nation.
The sad truth is that we're twice as rich as we were in 1957, but only half as happy. Dr. David Myers, authority on the psychology of happiness: "Never has a culture experienced such physical comfort combined with such psychological misery. Never have we felt so free, or had our prisons so overstuffed. Never have we been so sophisticated about pleasure, or so likely to suffer broken relationships."
Myers dubs us "the doubly affluent society." In nearly 50 years, we have twice as many cars per person. Our homes are bigger and our families are smaller. We have microwave ovens, dishwashers, and so many more labour saving appliances. Plasma screen TVs, home computers, and endless other gadgets and gizmos for our entertainment pleasure. We spend billions a year in restaurants, bars, and spas. Yet, despite this 'wealth', we're not as happy as our parents and grandparents!
Damn it!
Of course money provides our material needs but does it ever fully satisfy our material wants? Like a drug, it gives us a short burst of happiness, but what is enough to satisfy us completely long term? It's the phenomenon scientists call the "hedonic treadmill". We get a pay rise, we spend more, we spend more so we need a pay rise, and so on.
Ah, but I digress.
So, back to me at the hairdressers. Well, after I had my hair done, I went home and had a good look in the mirror. My hair didn't really look very different just shorter. The herbal essences, exotic extracts, and all the other goodies, that were supposed to be in the shampoo, once again, just hadn't worked the same magic they always seem to in the ads.
Later, when my other half came home he glanced at me and said, "Your hair looks good." Let me tell you, that gave me a buzz money just couldn't buy!
Footnote: In the same magazine there was an article about Christina Onassis' daughter, Anitha. Often dubbed 'the poor little rich girl', she was recently quoted as saying, " I just want to be like everyone else." It's kind of ironic isn't it, that money just can't buy that for her?
I was reading an article about the late Christina Onassis the other day, while I was waiting to have my hair trimmed. I'd decided to lash out a little and have it washed and blow dried also. Apparently, the world's wealthiest woman was a very 'down to earth' kind of lady, in fact, although it was never actually confirmed, it was rumored that she even used to wash her own hair!
Sure, I'm sure she had her ups and downs, just like all of us of 'down to earth' people, but I guess, too, it's all relative. Like this morning when I took my jeans out of the washer only to find they were covered in little pieces of fluff white stuff. I just bet Ms Onassis never experienced the frustration of discovering she'd accidently left a tissue in the pocket of her jeans when she washed them.Then again, on the flip side, maybe one of the reasons she was reputed to be so damned miserable most of her life was that, and I know this is very cliched, she never really enjoyed the simple things in life.
It's interesting to note studies done by the University of Illinois and University of Pennsylvania, last year, revealed that a nation's economic fortitude is not as tied to the well-being of its citizens as previous believed."It has been assumed that money increases well-being and, although money can be measured with exactitude, it is an inexact surrogate to the actual well-being of a nation. In a 1985 survey, respondents from the Forbes list of the 400 richest Americans and the Maasai of East Africa were almost equally satisfied and ranked relatively high in well-being. The Maasai are a traditional herding people who have no electricity or running water and live in huts made of dung. It follows, that economic development and personal income must not account for the happiness that they are so often linked to."Instead, the researchers propose that a population's "engagement, purpose and meaning, optimism and trust, and positive and negative emotions in specific areas such as work life and social relationships" should be considered when measuring the strength of a nation.
The sad truth is that we're twice as rich as we were in 1957, but only half as happy. Dr. David Myers, authority on the psychology of happiness: "Never has a culture experienced such physical comfort combined with such psychological misery. Never have we felt so free, or had our prisons so overstuffed. Never have we been so sophisticated about pleasure, or so likely to suffer broken relationships."
Myers dubs us "the doubly affluent society." In nearly 50 years, we have twice as many cars per person. Our homes are bigger and our families are smaller. We have microwave ovens, dishwashers, and so many more labour saving appliances. Plasma screen TVs, home computers, and endless other gadgets and gizmos for our entertainment pleasure. We spend billions a year in restaurants, bars, and spas. Yet, despite this 'wealth', we're not as happy as our parents and grandparents!
Damn it!
Of course money provides our material needs but does it ever fully satisfy our material wants? Like a drug, it gives us a short burst of happiness, but what is enough to satisfy us completely long term? It's the phenomenon scientists call the "hedonic treadmill". We get a pay rise, we spend more, we spend more so we need a pay rise, and so on.
Ah, but I digress.
So, back to me at the hairdressers. Well, after I had my hair done, I went home and had a good look in the mirror. My hair didn't really look very different just shorter. The herbal essences, exotic extracts, and all the other goodies, that were supposed to be in the shampoo, once again, just hadn't worked the same magic they always seem to in the ads.
Later, when my other half came home he glanced at me and said, "Your hair looks good." Let me tell you, that gave me a buzz money just couldn't buy!
Footnote: In the same magazine there was an article about Christina Onassis' daughter, Anitha. Often dubbed 'the poor little rich girl', she was recently quoted as saying, " I just want to be like everyone else." It's kind of ironic isn't it, that money just can't buy that for her?
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Penis Envy
Did you know the typical male orgasm lasts anywhere from 3 to 8 seconds? Though it’s possible through deep breathing and regular Tantric exercising to extend it to maybe 10 seconds or so. When researching for this post, I did check on Sting's web site for precise times but unfortunately he hasn't supplied any.
As you probably aware, women are capable of multiple orgasms without having to rest in between. (Damn it, don't I just love being a woman!) Women are actually capable of a sustained orgasm called 'status orgasmu'. These wonderful events start with a 2-4 second spastic contraction and last twenty to sixty seconds. In 1966, Masters & Johnson published the chart of one woman who experienced a marvellous 43-second orgasm, made up of at least 25 successive contractions. Oh, baby, baby, baby!
It's really just another example of disparity between the sexes I guess.Now, Freud theorized that females were biologically inferior to males, (Ha!) and spent their lives suffering from feelings of jealousy, inferiority, and penis envy (Ha! Ha!). He also had a bit of a cocaine habit, a condition that often leads to impotence, so it kind of make you wonder if perhaps he was the one with a little penis envy going on.
But what is ‘penis envy’ anyway? Far more men seem to suffer from it than women. How many products on the market are designed to increase the size of a man's penis, id, ego, and super ego, while considerably reducing the size of his wallet all in the same process? Some men will go to any length (please, no pun intended) just get those perceived envious glances in the locker room or loo - from other men! And, no, they’re not all gay.
I think it's a male thing - "I’m able to better satisfy a woman’s instictive needs to reproduce because I’ve got a bigger penis. I am the superior specimen. I am the Alpha male!”The shortest, and I guess smallest, penis ever recorded was a mere three centimetres long. For the benefit of any men reading this who are in imperial measurements, that’s about as long as... Oh, I don't know but I’m sure will give you a hot shot of schadenfreude when you find out!
So how many women out there really worry that much about the size of a man's penis?
Ah, but I digress.
Now, please don't get me wrong--I think all penises are great. Sure, I know some women say: "Seen one, you've seem 'em all." Me, I've seen a few and now I want to see 'em all! No, I'm not knocking them. Althought, they certainly do have their drawbacks don't they? They embarrass their owns when they get aroused at the wrong times, vaginas never do that. Vaginas are well behaved. Penises dangle and stick out, making them extremely vulnerable when their owners are playing contact sports and such. Vaginas are tucked neatly between the legs. Of course other advantages to having a vagina instead if a penis also, but I’m too discrete and delicate to go into into that here.
So, I ask you, honestly, how many women out there really wish they had a penis instead of a vagina? For that matter, how many men out there secretly wish they had a vagina --instead of a penis? Penis envy? No way, I'll take the multi orgasmic experience over the 3 to 8 second thrill anytime!
Did you know the typical male orgasm lasts anywhere from 3 to 8 seconds? Though it’s possible through deep breathing and regular Tantric exercising to extend it to maybe 10 seconds or so. When researching for this post, I did check on Sting's web site for precise times but unfortunately he hasn't supplied any.
As you probably aware, women are capable of multiple orgasms without having to rest in between. (Damn it, don't I just love being a woman!) Women are actually capable of a sustained orgasm called 'status orgasmu'. These wonderful events start with a 2-4 second spastic contraction and last twenty to sixty seconds. In 1966, Masters & Johnson published the chart of one woman who experienced a marvellous 43-second orgasm, made up of at least 25 successive contractions. Oh, baby, baby, baby!
It's really just another example of disparity between the sexes I guess.Now, Freud theorized that females were biologically inferior to males, (Ha!) and spent their lives suffering from feelings of jealousy, inferiority, and penis envy (Ha! Ha!). He also had a bit of a cocaine habit, a condition that often leads to impotence, so it kind of make you wonder if perhaps he was the one with a little penis envy going on.
But what is ‘penis envy’ anyway? Far more men seem to suffer from it than women. How many products on the market are designed to increase the size of a man's penis, id, ego, and super ego, while considerably reducing the size of his wallet all in the same process? Some men will go to any length (please, no pun intended) just get those perceived envious glances in the locker room or loo - from other men! And, no, they’re not all gay.
I think it's a male thing - "I’m able to better satisfy a woman’s instictive needs to reproduce because I’ve got a bigger penis. I am the superior specimen. I am the Alpha male!”The shortest, and I guess smallest, penis ever recorded was a mere three centimetres long. For the benefit of any men reading this who are in imperial measurements, that’s about as long as... Oh, I don't know but I’m sure will give you a hot shot of schadenfreude when you find out!
So how many women out there really worry that much about the size of a man's penis?
Ah, but I digress.
Now, please don't get me wrong--I think all penises are great. Sure, I know some women say: "Seen one, you've seem 'em all." Me, I've seen a few and now I want to see 'em all! No, I'm not knocking them. Althought, they certainly do have their drawbacks don't they? They embarrass their owns when they get aroused at the wrong times, vaginas never do that. Vaginas are well behaved. Penises dangle and stick out, making them extremely vulnerable when their owners are playing contact sports and such. Vaginas are tucked neatly between the legs. Of course other advantages to having a vagina instead if a penis also, but I’m too discrete and delicate to go into into that here.
So, I ask you, honestly, how many women out there really wish they had a penis instead of a vagina? For that matter, how many men out there secretly wish they had a vagina --instead of a penis? Penis envy? No way, I'll take the multi orgasmic experience over the 3 to 8 second thrill anytime!
Butts
I want to talk about asses, or arses if you're English. Maybe 'buttock' if you're really prudish and feel uncomfortable saying 'ass' or 'arse'?
Now, I ask you, is there really there anything sexier than a smooth tight little ass/arse/buttock? And yet, I think sometimes they're one of the most forgotten parts of our bodies, aren't they? I mean how many cosmetic companies produce bum blush, age-defying ass wrinkle cream, or even a gluteal scrub? Come to think of it, how hard would they really be to market this age of sexual freedom and commercialisiaton? Mmm... maybe there's a niche in the market for these things?
Neanderthal men thought asses were very sexy. In his book, 'The Naked Ape', Desmond Morris speculates that women's breasts became fleshy and round as humans evolved from the other primates and began to walk upright. Human used to, like other primates still do, used their asses to indicate when they were ready to mate. Since the human female is almost always in a sexually capable condition, he believes that, the breasts evolved as an ever-present sexual display on the front of the female body-- a duplication of round fleshy butt.
Now, what about men's asses? Oh yes! Why are they so damned sexy? It's not like, my instincts are telling me, "He's got a great ass, he must be virile and able to provide for me and the tribe of kids we're going to have," or are they? Isn't a man's tight and hard ass indicative of a fit and healthy, able to produce and provide, body? Isn't it also the power behind the penis? Yet, we still tend to concentrate on facial beautification.
In a world where advertisers tell us everything from what clothes to wear to what brand of soap wash with-- to attract the opposite sex, is it perhaps more to do with commercial conditioning and marketing rather than misguided instincts? There may well be a quest for the best (ass), but it's usually cloaked under different terms. Tighter jeans are sexier-- because they show your ass off. High heels are sexy because they lift a woman's ass. If your fitter, your sexier-- again your ass will be tighter and trimmer.
Sure, people say things like, "Look at that gorgeous ass!", but it's never with the same sincerity as a complement about the face, is it?
Rather than refer to the ass in a sexual way, it is often seen as -- please excuse the pun-- the butt of many crude jokes. Perhaps it's the Anglo-Saxon sense of humour that keeps up from taking our asses too seriously? But geez, how that evolve, anyway? I know very few women who are actually happy with their asses. They almost always perceive them as being too fat, too flat, too flabby, too freaking something! I guess most men don't think much about their rear ends. I asked my other half what he thought of his. He told me, "I don't know. I've never really checked my out, it's difficult to see it from the front." Damn it, doesn't every woman knows how to contort herself in front of a full length mirror so she can see her ass from every angle?
But, all butt jokes aside, don't you think asses are one of the most sexy, yet under rated, parts of the body?
Oh, and anyone who wants to send me pics, please feel free. I would just love to see your sexy bare behind-- now, that's just got to be an offer you don't get every day!
I want to talk about asses, or arses if you're English. Maybe 'buttock' if you're really prudish and feel uncomfortable saying 'ass' or 'arse'?
Now, I ask you, is there really there anything sexier than a smooth tight little ass/arse/buttock? And yet, I think sometimes they're one of the most forgotten parts of our bodies, aren't they? I mean how many cosmetic companies produce bum blush, age-defying ass wrinkle cream, or even a gluteal scrub? Come to think of it, how hard would they really be to market this age of sexual freedom and commercialisiaton? Mmm... maybe there's a niche in the market for these things?
Neanderthal men thought asses were very sexy. In his book, 'The Naked Ape', Desmond Morris speculates that women's breasts became fleshy and round as humans evolved from the other primates and began to walk upright. Human used to, like other primates still do, used their asses to indicate when they were ready to mate. Since the human female is almost always in a sexually capable condition, he believes that, the breasts evolved as an ever-present sexual display on the front of the female body-- a duplication of round fleshy butt.
Now, what about men's asses? Oh yes! Why are they so damned sexy? It's not like, my instincts are telling me, "He's got a great ass, he must be virile and able to provide for me and the tribe of kids we're going to have," or are they? Isn't a man's tight and hard ass indicative of a fit and healthy, able to produce and provide, body? Isn't it also the power behind the penis? Yet, we still tend to concentrate on facial beautification.
In a world where advertisers tell us everything from what clothes to wear to what brand of soap wash with-- to attract the opposite sex, is it perhaps more to do with commercial conditioning and marketing rather than misguided instincts? There may well be a quest for the best (ass), but it's usually cloaked under different terms. Tighter jeans are sexier-- because they show your ass off. High heels are sexy because they lift a woman's ass. If your fitter, your sexier-- again your ass will be tighter and trimmer.
Sure, people say things like, "Look at that gorgeous ass!", but it's never with the same sincerity as a complement about the face, is it?
Rather than refer to the ass in a sexual way, it is often seen as -- please excuse the pun-- the butt of many crude jokes. Perhaps it's the Anglo-Saxon sense of humour that keeps up from taking our asses too seriously? But geez, how that evolve, anyway? I know very few women who are actually happy with their asses. They almost always perceive them as being too fat, too flat, too flabby, too freaking something! I guess most men don't think much about their rear ends. I asked my other half what he thought of his. He told me, "I don't know. I've never really checked my out, it's difficult to see it from the front." Damn it, doesn't every woman knows how to contort herself in front of a full length mirror so she can see her ass from every angle?
But, all butt jokes aside, don't you think asses are one of the most sexy, yet under rated, parts of the body?
Oh, and anyone who wants to send me pics, please feel free. I would just love to see your sexy bare behind-- now, that's just got to be an offer you don't get every day!
You just love me cause I'm good in bed.
And, to think, I feared I would go my whole life without ever getting the chance to pen that phrase.
Seriously, though, how important is sex in an intimate relationship? Sure, good sex may satisfy physically, but what about emotionally? According to Dr. Linda Banner, Ph.D., a licensed sex therapist specializing in marriage and relationship counseling and a researcher associated with Stanford University Medical School,"Sex can be a wonderful cementer or a terrible wedge".
Sex? That always tends to sound kind of sterile to me. It's just not the same as 'making love', is it? I just bet Giacomo Casanova never asked a woman, "D' ya wanna have sex?" Sex is merely a physical thing. If sex was all we needed then masturbation would provide true and complete sexual satisfaction and that's really just not the case.
My other half freely admits he used to masterbate all the time when he was younger. He reckons he never used to do so much for his own pleasure as much as wanting to spite the Pope and all that "every sperm is scared" thing.
Ah, but I digress.
Do you don't really to be an accomplished sexual athlete, or being poring over the Kama Sutra night after night to have a good strong relationship?
A survey I read recently found a quarter of more than 3,000 women aged 18-45 said they "often can't be bothered" to have sex and were "happy with a cuddle". So, does good sex make a good relationship, or a does good relationship make good sex?
I guess people who marry virgins as virgins would say a good relationship is more important.
While someone who's more experienced might place equal, or more, emphasis on the physical side.
I tend to think there'd probably a lot less emphasis of how good the sex was if you had nothing to compare it with. Maybe that's why some men are so hell bent on marrying virgins? It doesn't seem to worry women as much. While some women might be entrigued by the idea of of virgin, I think those who actually seek a inexperienced man out for marriage are more than likely virgins themselves.Well, they say love conquers all, but does it really?
And, to think, I feared I would go my whole life without ever getting the chance to pen that phrase.
Seriously, though, how important is sex in an intimate relationship? Sure, good sex may satisfy physically, but what about emotionally? According to Dr. Linda Banner, Ph.D., a licensed sex therapist specializing in marriage and relationship counseling and a researcher associated with Stanford University Medical School,"Sex can be a wonderful cementer or a terrible wedge".
Sex? That always tends to sound kind of sterile to me. It's just not the same as 'making love', is it? I just bet Giacomo Casanova never asked a woman, "D' ya wanna have sex?" Sex is merely a physical thing. If sex was all we needed then masturbation would provide true and complete sexual satisfaction and that's really just not the case.
My other half freely admits he used to masterbate all the time when he was younger. He reckons he never used to do so much for his own pleasure as much as wanting to spite the Pope and all that "every sperm is scared" thing.
Ah, but I digress.
Do you don't really to be an accomplished sexual athlete, or being poring over the Kama Sutra night after night to have a good strong relationship?
A survey I read recently found a quarter of more than 3,000 women aged 18-45 said they "often can't be bothered" to have sex and were "happy with a cuddle". So, does good sex make a good relationship, or a does good relationship make good sex?
I guess people who marry virgins as virgins would say a good relationship is more important.
While someone who's more experienced might place equal, or more, emphasis on the physical side.
I tend to think there'd probably a lot less emphasis of how good the sex was if you had nothing to compare it with. Maybe that's why some men are so hell bent on marrying virgins? It doesn't seem to worry women as much. While some women might be entrigued by the idea of of virgin, I think those who actually seek a inexperienced man out for marriage are more than likely virgins themselves.Well, they say love conquers all, but does it really?
Fucking Geniuses
I've been thinking, have you ever noticed how highly sexed people, generally, tend to be much smarter and brighter than average folk who aren't so preoccupied with where their next orgasm's coming from?
So, what's the mathematical probability of a highly sexed person having an intelligence quotant below 101? Ok, let me put it this way: IQ=101>101= (y!/sex!(n-sex!) .69x (1-.23)^y+sex>(3x7x365=seX!)=z% . No doubt all of you, who had that percentage figured out before you got to the end of the equation, will know exactly what I'm talking about.
I mean, how often do you hear people referred to as "horny"? But how often are these same people referred to as "unintelligent"? Dumb and horny just don't belong in the same sentence. It's perfectly obvious when you think about it. It takes brains and imagination to look beyond the missionary position, and a whole lot of intelligence and confidence to go against society's harsh sexual repression. Yes, there's a reason why no one's ever published "The Karma Sutra for Dummies"--it's just not required, I tell you!
Now, let's look at the horniest of the hornies. Yes, the perverts. There's really just no such thing as a unintelligent pevert, is there? A horny pervert? A filthy pervert? A fucking filthy pervert? Sure! But how often to you hear, or read about, an "unintelligent pervert"? Well, you just don't, do you?
I guess it's something that's just evolved over the years. Highly sexed people spend so much of their time thinking dirty thoughts, that they've had to develop a higher intelligence to process all their other thoughts in a much shorter time. Their brains simply have to be more efficient and developed to cope.
Have you ever noticed how sex scandals always seem to involve highly intelligent people? Just look at the the late JFK. He was one really smart man, who just couldn't keep his pants on.
Yep, intelligence and a high sex drive, more often than not, go together. It makes perfect sense really that, from an evolutionary perspective, smarter people are superior so they should breed more. It's just unfortunate that we thwart mother nature by being too smart and using birth control.
It's actually cyclical. German researchers have discovered that the more sex you have, the more your brain is stimulated and, I guess, the more your brain in stimulated the more sex you want. Sex and intelligence--they're mutually beneficial. It's symbiosis of the mind and body!
So, how much smarter are you today, than you were yesterday? And, how much smarter are planning on being tomorrow than you are today? Are you getting smart enough fast enough? Would you really rather be getting a whole lot smarter a whole lot faster? Or are you, quite literally, just a fucking genius?
So, what's the mathematical probability of a highly sexed person having an intelligence quotant below 101? Ok, let me put it this way: IQ=101>101= (y!/sex!(n-sex!) .69x (1-.23)^y+sex>(3x7x365=seX!)=z% . No doubt all of you, who had that percentage figured out before you got to the end of the equation, will know exactly what I'm talking about.
I mean, how often do you hear people referred to as "horny"? But how often are these same people referred to as "unintelligent"? Dumb and horny just don't belong in the same sentence. It's perfectly obvious when you think about it. It takes brains and imagination to look beyond the missionary position, and a whole lot of intelligence and confidence to go against society's harsh sexual repression. Yes, there's a reason why no one's ever published "The Karma Sutra for Dummies"--it's just not required, I tell you!
Now, let's look at the horniest of the hornies. Yes, the perverts. There's really just no such thing as a unintelligent pevert, is there? A horny pervert? A filthy pervert? A fucking filthy pervert? Sure! But how often to you hear, or read about, an "unintelligent pervert"? Well, you just don't, do you?
I guess it's something that's just evolved over the years. Highly sexed people spend so much of their time thinking dirty thoughts, that they've had to develop a higher intelligence to process all their other thoughts in a much shorter time. Their brains simply have to be more efficient and developed to cope.
Have you ever noticed how sex scandals always seem to involve highly intelligent people? Just look at the the late JFK. He was one really smart man, who just couldn't keep his pants on.
Yep, intelligence and a high sex drive, more often than not, go together. It makes perfect sense really that, from an evolutionary perspective, smarter people are superior so they should breed more. It's just unfortunate that we thwart mother nature by being too smart and using birth control.
It's actually cyclical. German researchers have discovered that the more sex you have, the more your brain is stimulated and, I guess, the more your brain in stimulated the more sex you want. Sex and intelligence--they're mutually beneficial. It's symbiosis of the mind and body!
So, how much smarter are you today, than you were yesterday? And, how much smarter are planning on being tomorrow than you are today? Are you getting smart enough fast enough? Would you really rather be getting a whole lot smarter a whole lot faster? Or are you, quite literally, just a fucking genius?
Metrosexual Men
Women have always been expected to be the height of primped - shaved legs, manicured and painted nails, sparkling white teeth, styled hair, flawless make-up, trendy clothes, alluring fragrance... Do you, men out there, have any idea how long it takes for us, women, to get ready, and how much money it all costs?
Well, my question is -- has the time come for all good men to bump up the aesthetic bar a notch, or two, and become metrosexual? "Oh, but what exactly is metrosexual?" I hear all you 'rugged male types' out there ask.
Basically a metrosexual is an urban male who embodies vanity in a positive way; he keeps up on the latest fashions. He waxes, trims and has manicures. He never has a hair out of place. He goes to the gym everyday and freely spends money on his aesthetics and lifestyle. And perish the thought of shampoo and hair gel, the metrosexual male only uses "products" on his fine locks!
I guess a lot of people will say- - it's just a fad. A catch phrase being exploited by the media. At the end of the last century it was the Nirvana inspired 'grunge' - unkempt, lanky looking hair and rugged unshaven faces. I loved Kurt Cobain's music, but geez, couldn't he just have used a razor and comb?
So is this just a passing thing or is the metrosexual the new man of the millennium? Upon giving the matter a lot of thought-- I have a lot of spare time you know? I'm noting more, and more, men's facial products appearing on my favourite skin care counter. While older males are still content with the cheap buzz and cut, there are more men at my unisex salon having their hair 'styled'. And, I'm seeing men everywhere in immaculate, clean and pressed clothes --smelling of sexy cologne. They're going to the movies to see Julia Roberts -- with her clothes on. And, my goodness, I'm seeing, previously over pumped with testosterone, males actually driving their cars within the speed limit and letting female drivers pass them!
Remember the now deceased danseur Rudolph Nureyev? Metrosexual men out there will know exactly who I'm talking about. I read a biography about him a while back. Countless women fell in love and lust with this man. "He spoilt me for all other men," one lamented. Some people might have accused him of being effeminate. He was, after all, just so totally in touch with his 'feminine side'. Or was he perhaps just ahead of his time--the original metrosexual man?
So, now you know.
But what's this new breed of man like in the sack? That's what women want to know, isn't it? There's got to be more to a metrosexual man than just his appearance. Is he more aware of his woman's needs? Does he mind sleeping on 'the wet spot'? Does he say: "Oh, that's fine, I don’t mind one little bit, we can make love another night if you're feeling tried tonight."? I'm sure he does. Oh, and I bet he never, ever, falls asleep immediately after sex! Our culture is changing and our sexuality is not questioned as closely as it once was. It's ok that he wants be as attractive for you as you are for him. Preening will no longer automatically slap him with 'gay' tag. He likes to look good, and yet he's still not about to let his ego to rule his life. Oh, yes, siree--he's likeable, liberated and loving it! But--wait just a modern minute. Amazing as all this might seem, according to recent surveys, only one in five women actually want a metrosexual man!
Most still want their men to be just as nature intended them to be; sex driven, testosterone pumped animals who can be ready for night on the town in the same time it takes, us, women to decided what we’re going to wear! And you know what? I have to be totally honest here; I'm one of these women. Give me a rugged and rough around the edges man any day--and especially at night!
Well, my question is -- has the time come for all good men to bump up the aesthetic bar a notch, or two, and become metrosexual? "Oh, but what exactly is metrosexual?" I hear all you 'rugged male types' out there ask.
Basically a metrosexual is an urban male who embodies vanity in a positive way; he keeps up on the latest fashions. He waxes, trims and has manicures. He never has a hair out of place. He goes to the gym everyday and freely spends money on his aesthetics and lifestyle. And perish the thought of shampoo and hair gel, the metrosexual male only uses "products" on his fine locks!
I guess a lot of people will say- - it's just a fad. A catch phrase being exploited by the media. At the end of the last century it was the Nirvana inspired 'grunge' - unkempt, lanky looking hair and rugged unshaven faces. I loved Kurt Cobain's music, but geez, couldn't he just have used a razor and comb?
So is this just a passing thing or is the metrosexual the new man of the millennium? Upon giving the matter a lot of thought-- I have a lot of spare time you know? I'm noting more, and more, men's facial products appearing on my favourite skin care counter. While older males are still content with the cheap buzz and cut, there are more men at my unisex salon having their hair 'styled'. And, I'm seeing men everywhere in immaculate, clean and pressed clothes --smelling of sexy cologne. They're going to the movies to see Julia Roberts -- with her clothes on. And, my goodness, I'm seeing, previously over pumped with testosterone, males actually driving their cars within the speed limit and letting female drivers pass them!
Remember the now deceased danseur Rudolph Nureyev? Metrosexual men out there will know exactly who I'm talking about. I read a biography about him a while back. Countless women fell in love and lust with this man. "He spoilt me for all other men," one lamented. Some people might have accused him of being effeminate. He was, after all, just so totally in touch with his 'feminine side'. Or was he perhaps just ahead of his time--the original metrosexual man?
So, now you know.
But what's this new breed of man like in the sack? That's what women want to know, isn't it? There's got to be more to a metrosexual man than just his appearance. Is he more aware of his woman's needs? Does he mind sleeping on 'the wet spot'? Does he say: "Oh, that's fine, I don’t mind one little bit, we can make love another night if you're feeling tried tonight."? I'm sure he does. Oh, and I bet he never, ever, falls asleep immediately after sex! Our culture is changing and our sexuality is not questioned as closely as it once was. It's ok that he wants be as attractive for you as you are for him. Preening will no longer automatically slap him with 'gay' tag. He likes to look good, and yet he's still not about to let his ego to rule his life. Oh, yes, siree--he's likeable, liberated and loving it! But--wait just a modern minute. Amazing as all this might seem, according to recent surveys, only one in five women actually want a metrosexual man!
Most still want their men to be just as nature intended them to be; sex driven, testosterone pumped animals who can be ready for night on the town in the same time it takes, us, women to decided what we’re going to wear! And you know what? I have to be totally honest here; I'm one of these women. Give me a rugged and rough around the edges man any day--and especially at night!
Body Language
Body language, yes,that fascinating use of space and nonverbal communication between us that says it all without speaking a single word. Do you pick up on every little, and no so little, signal that's sent you way?
According to the experts, our non-verbal language communicates about 50% of what we really mean, voice tone contributes 38%, while words themselves contribute a mere 7%. And yet, many people are simply unaware of how loudly they communicate with their bodies.
So, this woman looks directly at a man, licks her luscious lips, then sidles over to him and whispers in his ear, "I was wondering if you have the time?" Well, hot damn it! She wants to know if he has the time all right, but let me tell you, she's not the least bit interested in his watch!
On that note, it's interesting to note, that research shows that most men need to have body language repeated up to three times before it actually registers. While women tend to pick up on it immediately. Why might this be so? Is it possibly because women perhaps tend to note and pay more attention to small details? (e.g. Did any of you men out there realise that I've just used the word 'note' three times in this paragraph?)
Men may be slow to pick up body language, but they certainly know how to perform it. The stroking of the tie is a classic. He may be rather proud of his new Gucci accessory, but that's not the reason he's fondling it so fondly as he's trying to chat up that hot babe. No, he's much more focused on something further down, and he's desperately hoping she will be, too, before the evening's over. Yes, body language speaks, and that one just screams phallic!
You often see body language performed on en masse, too. A gorgeous woman walks up to a group of men, and immediately they all take a deep breath, pull their bellies in, and puff out their collective chests. Why, you can almost hear the rush of the air being sucked up during this all mighty mansoon as each one's body language shouts, "Pick me! I'm the Alpha male!"
Of course, our use and reading of body language is largely subconscious. We send out messages constantly, and yet we don't always recognise that we're communicating. A gay friend told me he can always spot other gays immediately. I asked him how. He said, "When I make eye contact with a straight man, he looks away. A gay man doesn't." I'm sure hetro men don't give it a second thought, but what their actually saying is, "Sorry, mate, I'm straight."
It can be as subtle as that, or as blatant as the tie titillation, but either way we're telling others something about ourselves. It's the message about what's really on our minds. So, are you in touch with the bodies and body language around you? Do recognise the difference between a come hither glance and go slither glare? Are you in tune with the most secret and powerful language of all?
Body language, yes,that fascinating use of space and nonverbal communication between us that says it all without speaking a single word. Do you pick up on every little, and no so little, signal that's sent you way?
According to the experts, our non-verbal language communicates about 50% of what we really mean, voice tone contributes 38%, while words themselves contribute a mere 7%. And yet, many people are simply unaware of how loudly they communicate with their bodies.
So, this woman looks directly at a man, licks her luscious lips, then sidles over to him and whispers in his ear, "I was wondering if you have the time?" Well, hot damn it! She wants to know if he has the time all right, but let me tell you, she's not the least bit interested in his watch!
On that note, it's interesting to note, that research shows that most men need to have body language repeated up to three times before it actually registers. While women tend to pick up on it immediately. Why might this be so? Is it possibly because women perhaps tend to note and pay more attention to small details? (e.g. Did any of you men out there realise that I've just used the word 'note' three times in this paragraph?)
Men may be slow to pick up body language, but they certainly know how to perform it. The stroking of the tie is a classic. He may be rather proud of his new Gucci accessory, but that's not the reason he's fondling it so fondly as he's trying to chat up that hot babe. No, he's much more focused on something further down, and he's desperately hoping she will be, too, before the evening's over. Yes, body language speaks, and that one just screams phallic!
You often see body language performed on en masse, too. A gorgeous woman walks up to a group of men, and immediately they all take a deep breath, pull their bellies in, and puff out their collective chests. Why, you can almost hear the rush of the air being sucked up during this all mighty mansoon as each one's body language shouts, "Pick me! I'm the Alpha male!"
Of course, our use and reading of body language is largely subconscious. We send out messages constantly, and yet we don't always recognise that we're communicating. A gay friend told me he can always spot other gays immediately. I asked him how. He said, "When I make eye contact with a straight man, he looks away. A gay man doesn't." I'm sure hetro men don't give it a second thought, but what their actually saying is, "Sorry, mate, I'm straight."
It can be as subtle as that, or as blatant as the tie titillation, but either way we're telling others something about ourselves. It's the message about what's really on our minds. So, are you in touch with the bodies and body language around you? Do recognise the difference between a come hither glance and go slither glare? Are you in tune with the most secret and powerful language of all?
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